On Governance
Lead by Example: Do Less, Think More.
Our administration promises to achieve minimal governance while maximizing philosophical rumination. Why enact new laws when we can barely abide by the ones we have? Government officials will be encouraged to engage in public acts of contemplation rather than legislation.
On Economy
From Consumerism to Cynicism: Wealth in Worthlessness
In a move away from the archaic concept of economic 'growth,' we present the future of fiscal stillness. Our economy will be grounded in the robust stability of inactivity. Picture a majestic economy, perfectly poised at the brink of action, yet choosing the noble path of restraint. In this grand design, your financial worries will dissolve, for you cannot lose what you never gain.
On Education
Unlearn to Learn: Education through not knowing.
We promise an education system rich in content—just devoid of answers. Every child will graduate equipped with a wealth of questions and an invigorating sense of bewilderment. Our classrooms will teach the philosophical value of the eternal "I don't know."
On Defense and Foreign Policy
Make Plowshares from Swords: A Defense of Defenselessness
Our foreign policy is simple: we will engage with the world by not engaging. By ensuring a robust posture of apathetic neutrality, we will forge strong bonds of disconnection worldwide.
On Healthcare
Laugh the Pain Away
Believing that laughter is the best medicine, our healthcare system will consist of a doctor who diagnoses you, says "Hah, that sucks!" and than charges you $500 and sends you on your way.