Our Platform

On Governance

Lead by Example: Do Less, Think More.

Our administration promises to achieve minimal governance while maximizing philosophical rumination. Why enact new laws when we can barely abide by the ones we have? Government officials will be encouraged to engage in public acts of contemplation rather than legislation.

On Economy

From Consumerism to Cynicism: Wealth in Worthlessness

In a move away from the archaic concept of economic 'growth,' we present the future of fiscal stillness. Our economy will be grounded in the robust stability of inactivity. Picture a majestic economy, perfectly poised at the brink of action, yet choosing the noble path of restraint. In this grand design, your financial worries will dissolve, for you cannot lose what you never gain.

On Education

Unlearn to Learn: Education through not knowing.

We promise an education system rich in content—just devoid of answers. Every child will graduate equipped with a wealth of questions and an invigorating sense of bewilderment. Our classrooms will teach the philosophical value of the eternal "I don't know."

On Defense and Foreign Policy

Make Plowshares from Swords: A Defense of Defenselessness

Our foreign policy is simple: we will engage with the world by not engaging. By ensuring a robust posture of apathetic neutrality, we will forge strong bonds of disconnection worldwide.

On Healthcare

Laugh the Pain Away

Believing that laughter is the best medicine, our healthcare system will consist of a doctor who diagnoses you, says "Hah, that sucks!" and than charges you $500 and sends you on your way.

VOTE
Diogenes For The Disenchanted
Diogenes
Find yourself disillusioned by the parade of shills, panderers and evil powermongering pigs in your upcoming election? Exhausted by the monotonous drone of promises as empty as Diogenes' wine jug post-symposium? Cast your vote for Diogenes, the cynic's cynic, and let the echoes of your disillusionment resonate through the halls of power. In a theater of the absurd, where the script never changes, only a vote for Diogenes offers the appropriate critique. He promises to achieve absolutely nothing— but at least he isn't a divisive liar.
Diogenes
Support The Cause
Accomplishing nothing can be very expensive, and we need all the help we can get. Do your part by flinging your hard-earned cash into the cavernous void of a cause that's gloriously futile. Contribute to a campaign destined for the history books — under the footnote of absurd and hopelessly quixotic ventures.' And should you feel an inexplicable urge for more self-punishment, leave us your email and phone number, We promise to bombard your inbox every election year to try and squeeze more money out of you in a relentless pursuit for more of your soon-to-be-regretted generosity.
Spread The Word
Inform your nearest and dearest of a political revelation—Diogenes' campaign of glorious non-endeavors. If you find the current slate of candidates as inspiring as a lecture on paint drying, then it's your civic duty to share the refreshing alternative of Diogenes. Encourage them to join our ranks: a growing chorus of voices championing the wisdom of choosing nobody at all over just any body. Let's unite in a collective eye-roll at the ballot box and send a message that's impossible to ignore—even if we're not entirely sure what it is.
Diogenes